I received an email today from facebook saying that a former student of mine is requesting to be my friend. She sent me a little note saying, "I don't know if you remember me but I was in your first grade class in 2006-2007." Of course I remember her! She just finished up fourth grade and although I think she is an adorable, very sweet and thoughtful girl....I kind of draw the line at being "friends" with students on facebook. Sometimes I even draw the line at being "friends" with parents whose kids were previously in my class. I often feel conflicted about how much information I truly want to put out there on the internet for people to see. I have my facebook account so locked down in order to prevent people who are not my friends from viewing any of my information or photos because I am not comfortable with random people seeing my pictures or even knowing what country/city I live in.
I am friends with many colleagues, past and present, but students are a whole different story. First of all, I don't think a 4th grader should have a facebook account to start with. Bottom line. I think facebook is for grownups and teens--not children. Even if the activity is closely monitored by parents, I really do not see the need. Second, I really don't want students being able to view photos of my vacations, my home, friends, and my family. I don't want to remain all mysterious and unknown, yet at the same time, there are limits on what I am willing to share. I wonder if this little girl's parent was present when she requested to be my friend. I wonder if her parent encouraged her to reach out and get in touch with me. I feel badly not responding. I want to write her a note and tell her how nice it was of her to think of me and that I will be coming back to OR to teach at a new school. I don't, however, feel that facebook is the right medium to do that in this case.
Writing a letter to a teacher. Great.
Emailing a teacher. Awesome.
Requesting to be friends with said teacher on facebook and gaining access to lots of personal photos and information. Not so much.
I honestly think it's inappropriate.
What bugs me a bit is that another teacher is friends with her and that is probably how she found me in the first place. I absolutely do not want her to think I don't care, yet I will not click accept. I guess I have different views on the matter, but I don't want that to send an unkind message to this child who obviously cares about keeping in touch with me.
Being a teacher is a tough job because it is one of the professions which results in being held to a different standards in one's private life (or at least I feel pressure to hold myself to a higher standard because I want my students to always view me in a certain way which does not include the familiarity of seeing me hanging out with friends or being silly in casual settings). I feel the need to be a role model 24/7 even when out in the "real world" doing regular people things. When I lived in OR I liked living a bit farther from my school because that meant I could go to the grocery store on Saturday morning in sweats and no makeup because I was not worried I would see families from school. I think I have a hang up about interacting and getting too familiar with families because I do wish to keep certain parts of my life private. I know that they know teachers are real people too with lives outside of school, yet my preference is to keep a certain separation between work and play. I don't have anything to hide, yet I am cautious.
Have you ever had a student request to be your friend on facebook? What did you do?
What do you think is an appropriate age for students to get a facebook account?
P.S. I received the guest post article that I agreed to post. It is on technology and teaching and is more directed towards obtaining online degrees than using technology in the classroom, however there is a great link to the concept of learning versus studying and I hope you enjoy reading it. It is very well written and I love the way it starts out, however it does go in a direction that I would not have necessarily taken that pertains more to the author's line of work. I think it's a fun idea to incorporate someone else's views, yet I think I have ultimately decided that I prefer to do the writing on my blog. I will post the article sometime this week and I am definitely interested in your feedback. The author links to her website which relates to online education and for anyone who is thinking about utilizing online education in order to obtain an advanced degree, perhaps you will be able to find her site resourceful. Stay tuned for that post....maybe on Friday....
9 comments:
Don't do it...first of all I agree that is way too young to be on FB secondly they change their status every two minutes! Thirdly the young kids are all about the numbers they really just want a lot of FB friends.
So they can say to their real friends I have 300 friends...
I completely agree with you that it is inappropriate to friend a former student, especially a 4th grader! Yikes, I can't imagine what those kids are doing on facebook. Definitely teenage years would be a better time to create a facebook account. I want my life outside of school to be mine, where I can talk to old friends and not worry about what my school families/students are thinking. I don't say anything bad, in fact, I rarely even reference work on facebook! I also live outside of my school district and prefer to shop without running into them (doesn't always happen though).
Like you, I'm super secret on facebook, you have to find me through a friend of mine and I don't even post photos. At the beginning of each school year, the district attorney (I don't know her exact title ha!) gives us the speech to not use facebook, myspace, and definitely do not give out personal email/phone numbers. They can all turn into a messy situation. I do believe it is directed more towards middle/high school teachers. I will not stop my facebook though, because they cannot tell me not to have a life outside of school/work. Just my (long) two cents:)
I completely agree with you on this one! I remember when a student emailed me a couple of years ago and it kinda freaked me out! Looking back now it's not that big of a deal but a FB friend with a 4th grader is just not a good idea.
I received a FB friend request from the wife of the superintendent of my district (their kids went to my school and son was one of my students) and I FREAKED out!! I felt like I shouldn't accept her request but at the same time I felt like I had to!! I ended up being FB friends with her, and my principal, Assistant principal etc and to say it bothered me is an understatement! I have nothing to hide and I am not ashamed of anything but it still didn't sit well me.
Then when FB kept changing their privacy settings I finally took the plunge and deleted my account!! It was the best decision and SO FREEING!!! I do miss keeping in touch with my close friends and family though!! Sometimes I feel like I am out of the loop!
Sorry for rambling I gave you more than you probably wanted!! :)
I don't think its appropriate for a 4th grader to have a Facebook account. I love technology in my teaching but our children have limited access and control.
For example: no video games, and all of the whiteboard games, online educational games and educational software that we have is 100% controlled by me including the computer. The kids don't even know how to power up the computer (everything is locked down with passwords) and certainly don't have "free access". I think most parents are naive about the dangers of kids getting too familiar with people online.
They think that by letting their kid enjoy technology at 10 years old they will be technical wizards when they enter the work place or something.
I would send her a facebook reply with your email address and tell her you don't really use your Facebook account very much and would prefer to email her.
Your post is so Right On! I've had 2nd and 3rd graders try and friend me on facebook. And I have no problem setting a limit and blocking them. Where are the parents?? Plus, I just need to have a separate life from my school. I'm the school counselor so it would feel really inappropriate to be in a social network outside of my workday with the students.
I have yet to have a former student ask for my FB friendship (but many of mine are in high school at this point) for many of the same reasons. I am friends with two former parents because I really felt connected to them as if we were personal friends. I waited until after their child graduated AND I moved states to do so, however. If I were still teaching at the same school, I'm not sure I would have even gone that far.
I get regular emails from two former students, but I have no problem responding as pen pals. They are given all the information I'm willing to divulge and nothing more. I think it's great to encourage them to type, communicate, write letters, and involve themselves in social situations-- one is autistic and the other has also gone through some traumatic experiences.
Stand your ground, don't feel guilty. I would, however, email your student back and let her know that you have a policy against former students being facebook friends. Let her know that although you think the world of her, that you'd prefer keeping your former students as email pals rather than facebook pals. You can even mention that you use facebook to communicate with family and colleagues, only.
You'd be amazed at how many friend requests I got from former students this year after I left my classroom. I taught 4th grade. What really bugged me was MANY of these requests came in during school hours so obviously the kids weren't being supervised in the computer lab, ugh!
My oldest just turned 15 and I didn't let her get a Facebook until she started 9th grade last fall. It appalls me how many students in my old K-5 school had FB accounts (although to be entirely honest here, MANY of the teachers there went on FB DURING SCHOOL so the kids in those classes were seeing their role model do it, so why shouldn't they?!). Very disturbing.
Earlier this year, I had a former student (from my first classroom in 2006-2007!) send me a message on FB and a friend request. He'll be in 9th grade this fall. I didn't accept the request but did reply to his message and told him that I was so glad to see he was doing well but that I do not friend ANY students (former or otherwise) on FB because I need to keep a balance between my work and private life and he was really good about it and said he totally understood.
I think that FB can be a great thing...but I also worry a lot that kids are on there without a lot of supervision and doing Lord only knows what.
4th grade is far too young for social networking and most any purpose other than school/research related.
I am a middle school teacher. As far as I can tell, there is no policy regarding cell phone numbers or FB accounts. I give out my cell number to parents and some students. I will add former and current students if they friend request me. They are blocked from seeing the majority of my FB account. If they want another caring adult in their lives, I'm all for it. I call them on inappropriate behavior and respond to such posts as I think need attention. I ignore about 90% of the constant status/like updates. They ask assignment questions. When I was out 4 weeks due to illness, it was a great way to keep an eye on things, even letting me redirect the sub plan based on student comment.
I would never accept a friend request from any supervisor, unless I felt we were truly friends outside of work.
I would go to the store in sweats sans make up if I lived in the community where I teach as well. I've always been a very open person and I see no reason to change that now. Yes, I understand there is a line between professional and private, but honestly my students are in desperate need of caring adults and adult role models so I'm ok with the FB friend request. A colleague of mine won't add current students or former students until the former students turn 18. To each their own!
Also, I second B. Wilson's comment!
totally agree 100%!
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