If I were one of the seven dwarfs I would definitely be Grumpy

Warning: This is a rant about my horrible experience attempting to get a German driver's license. You may find it entertaining, or you may think I need some nice pills.

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I have a confession.

I just failed my driving license test. So did my husband.

We are failures.

Well, we didn't exactly study all that much, I mean, we have both been driving for over 10 years and we both easily passed the OR state driving test when we moved there after college.

Driving test in Germany...different story.

We were warned it was very hard, and despite my negligence in actually studying the book or completing the 50 different practice tests we were given, I kind of just wished for a Christmas miracle that would allow me to pass and never have to think about the test again.

No. such. luck.

So, we got up early today to head over to the Tüv (DMV place). There was so much traffic which prevented us from getting there by 8. Well, we actually probably walked through the door at 8, but that was too late and we literally got hissed at by this German woman. Seriously. She hissed! That is the only word I can think of to describe her tone of voice.

So, they decided to let us in to take the test since we really weren't officially late, we just showed up exactly on time instead of early. I am guessing most Germans show up early. Usually I show up early, but when it is the husband and me, we are always late. I blame him.

So they allowed us to come into the classroom where about 10 other people were already seated and getting directions from the test administrator. He looks at us and very seriously informs us (in German of course) that the test started at 8 (and he pointed to his watch just to be clear). Ugh! So we made apologies and tried not to look like asses. They were not amused with us.

Then we needed to pay. Thirty-three Euros each or something like that. Thank goodness I decided to run downtown yesterday (literally I killed two birds with one stone by running to the bank) to get money out or else we would have had to suffer embarrassment #2 and leave the test as a result of not being able to pay. Normally, I don't carry around an extra 70 Euros in cash...it would have been nice if our relocation people would have informed us that we needed to bring that much money...in cash. But alas, the relocation people suck. I know that sounds harsh, but I got so tired of listening to our relocation woman converse in German for 10 minutes only to translate one short phrase to us that I became a relocation lady hater.

Back to the test. After we paid, we had to show our passports to the super friendly test administrator and he told us where to sit. The test was to be done on the computer, so there was a computer that looked like a closed lap top on our desks. The screen was what would normally be the top of the closed laptop, so we had to look down on the test instead of looking in front of us (does that even make sense?). The super friendly (where is that sarcasm font when you need it?) administrator guy proceeded to give about 15 minutes of instructions (ok maybe it was shorter, but considering it was all in German and I didn't understand a single word of it, it seemed to take a really long time). When he gave everyone the go ahead to start the test, he kind of glanced at us and asked if we understood. I said, um no, actually I didn't understand a word of what you said...probably to my husband's embarrassment.

So he came over, said something to the effect of click on the answer then click continue. OK?

Really...that is all that you said in the past 15 minutes of German instructions because it sure sounded like you gave detailed instructions about many different aspects of the test. I don't think people understand what translating means! It doesn't mean just tell one main point from a very long discussion and then move on leaving the other person confused and out of the loop!

The part that really got me was that during the instructions, he came over and said to push the button on the computer screen which said "skip instructions." If he is giving instructions only in German, yet the instructions on my screen are in English, why do I have to skip them? I wanted to know what to do! Once I pushed that button, I could not go back, which made me upset. I was doomed to not get instructions.

It's not as though hearing his shpeal would have given me the information I needed to pass, but I feel that if you offer a test in English, then instructions should be provided in English.

Is that crazy?!

I was the first one finished with the test. I guess the computers were all linked to his because he said my name then out loud said that I did not pass. Isn't that private information? Because I didn't really want everyone knowing that I failed.

At least my husband failed too, although I did a lot worse than he did.

Most questions had three choices, but the difficult part was that 1, 2, or all 3 of the choices could be correct. There was not just one answer so you could be partially right, but if you don't check all the correct choices you lose points. You can only lose a maximum of 10 points.

I lost 32 points.

Crap.

Now, we have to go back and take the test again in January. Unfortunately, we only have until 6 months from the exact date we moved here to pass or else we cannot become licensed drivers here. Also, you have to wait two weeks after failing to try again. I figure we have two more shots at most.

I don't even drive at all and I am trying to convince my husband I simply don't need a German driver's license, but he is insistent that I do.

For emergencies.

Or nights when he has a few beers.

Either one.

So, we both failed. We have to retest. And most importantly, I have gained a whole new level of understanding for people who live in the US and might still be trying to learn English. I would never want to make anyone feel the way I felt today.

I felt what it's like to be in a classroom and have the instructor speaking in words that made no sense to me. I immediately felt lost, got angry, and wanted to cry all at the same time. I looked like I was getting it, my eyes were on the instructor, I was alert, but not a single word had any meaning to me. I feel like, I am gaining a better understanding of what it's like to be an ELL student and I hope that my experiences here help make me a better teacher, so that days like today serve a bigger purpose.

A purpose other than making me feel like a failure.

And a grump.