Spilling My Guts

Blogging is one of those great outlets, like writing in a diary, when you can spill your guts. Especially in my case, because most people who read this blog don't really know me!

I posted awhile back about how pumped I was to have gotten accepted into the doctoral program at PSU to get my Ed.D in Educational Leadership. My ultimate goal is to teach at the university level in a teacher prep program. I did not find that my teacher prep program truly prepared me to be in the classroom, so I would like to help implement some changes so that future teachers have a better idea of how to meet the needs of ELL students, students of poverty, students of color, as well as students with various special needs.

Anyway, shortly after I received my acceptance letter, my husband received a call from headquarters in Germany indicating they are interested in having him take a position in their office....in Germany. At first I was so upset and cried my eyes out because I have a hard time leaving people, places, routines and plans. I was all set to embark on this great path for my own personal/professional journey and this definitely put a huge kink in that!

Now that I have had some time to think about it, I am actually pretty excited at the prospect of moving to Germany.  I think teaching in an international setting would be a phenomenal experience and I know that I would have fun experiencing so many things that I have yet to experience in life.

The problem now is that everything is still so up in the air. We are going to Germany for 10 days to have some meetings and get more information, but in the meantime I am finishing the school year not knowing if I will be back next year. I have told the team of teachers that I work with and many of my friends on staff, however I am not planning to make the principal or district aware unless/until I have a for sure/final answer. It has been so challenging to "make plans" for next year, all the while knowing I may not be there to carry them out. Because I will not know before school lets out, I feel like there is no closure and that sucks!

I had a whole schedule of courses set up that I was planning on taking this summer, but now I am not sure what to do because I don't know if I will be here this summer or not.

I got chosen to teach at a really cool summer program for ELL students through my district, but again I don't know if I will actually be able to do it.

Last night I attended an informational session at PSU and it was bittersweet. I felt so proud that I was sitting there among the chosen, yet sad because once again, I have no idea it will actually come to fruition! After the presentations were all done, I spoke with the program coordinator and basically explained my situation and told him I really don't want to give up this great opportunity I have to participate in this program. I asked him if there is any way, if I move, to complete the program (or parts of it) remotely from Germany. 

To my surprise, he said he would actually consider it....

He told me that they have been trying to add more online components and that we can schedule a meeting to discuss possibilities. I was thinking that I can still purchase and read the textbooks, follow the syllabus, and complete assignments and perhaps use a format like a blog to interact and discuss with my cohort and classmates. I think there would be extra work involved because of the class time I would be missing, but perhaps I could add an international perspective to discussions that would be an interesting element.  

I am really excited to think that maybe I can have my cake and eat it too!

I will be terribly sad if I have to leave my current school and wonderful staff. I have learned so much from the other teachers on my team and I will miss them tremendously. Goodbyes are hard, especially when you are surrounded by such good people.

Another challenging aspect is moving out of a classroom. It is like a small apartment and I have soo many materials and books that I can't even imagine the process of moving all of my stuff from school as well as packing up our whole house. Challenges that arise with a move seem all the more complicated when it comes to moving abroad. Not to mention the fact that my hair straighter will not work in Germany!

All of this uncertainty has pretty much been eating away at me and driving me crazy for the past month or so. I know that good things come from change and I welcome challenges and new experiences, but I have such a hard time not having any sort of plan. 

Once school ends next week, I have no idea when I will work again, whether I will take classes this summer or pack up my life and what the next few months will bring. It is both exciting and scary at the same time.

I am crossing my fingers that my husband gets the job because I know that is what he truly wants and I guess we will just have to take it from there, one step at a time.....