Maybe it is the fact that I am not really feeling challenged by my job.
Or that I am not doing daily/weekly lesson plans that inspire me to think and be creative.
Or that I am not working as much with little friends who are constantly funny and engaging and full of interesting comments and observations.
But, I just feel boring!
So, I apologize.
There are some aspects of my job that I am not completely excited about right now, but I don't feel comfortable using my blog as a platform to complain about it. Mostly because I don't know everyone in my audience and I don't feel that I want to put certain things out there for anyone to read. I love my job, yet there are some things that I know are not right. I know I belong in the classroom.
With a sweet group of wiggly kiddos sitting at my feet
With more responsibilities
With more challenges
With opportunities to teach and compliment and revel in the learning that takes place
I miss the hugs.
I miss the sweet drawings and notes.
I miss the stories at the end of the day.
I miss the huge smiles that accompany lost teeth.
I miss the weekly lesson planning sessions with my team (which sometimes were accompanied by bags of Cheetos!)
I miss my planner and the satisfaction of having everything prepared and in order for the following day or week.
I even miss the grading!
I miss it.
I guess maybe it's getting me down.
I take so many classes and work so hard to learn everything about teaching that I can. I always have my nose in a book reading about how to be a more effective reading teacher or how to inspire students to be great writers. I learn how create an environment where differences are honored and kids from all cultures know they are accepted and feel comfortable to share who they are. I have all this "stuff" in my head, but I don't feel like I am putting it to use!
I can't wait go back!
I want to be a real teacher again.
Do you feel like you are the best version of yourself in your life right now?
9 comments:
I'm sorry to hear your frustration right now. I'm bored at my job too and feeling stagnant. Here in Texas we are stifled by the state mandated test and I feel all we do is "teach" to the test and not allow any room for creativity. Hang in there!
Oh hun, I am sorry to hear that you are frustrated. I love love teaching with a passion, but everything else seems to get in the way from time to time and I have questioned myself a few times this school year if this is what I would like to continue doing for the next 30 years or so. I can't imagine what it will be like in 10, let alone 30.
I too don't like to put too much out there on my blog about work because I am afraid of who will see it and such. you know?
I "get" you completely. I had to leave teaching (though honestly with budget cuts...) for my husband's job that moved us across the country to Illinois and then to Germany for 6 months. So, for about 8 months, I have done NOTHING related to teaching and my heart hurts just a little everyday because of it.
I can imagine reading all about teaching everyday makes you anxious to use that knowledge, too. I've been avoiding education books because I know that teaching isn't something I can do right now... and it saddens me to think about "what if" situations.
Soon! You'll teach again soon! And I have a feeling you'll be even greater than you were before. Passion shows.
I definitely think we have to be careful what we write about work :)
I know it must seem really frustrating now, but I think it's really a blessing that you have had a year like this to secure the fact that the classroom is really where you want to be.
Not too many days go by that I don't question if I'd rather be a pull out teacher (which I think would be slightly different than what you are doing because I'd still be planning and meeting with small groups and writing progress reports and all that)- I just envision the management part being different. But maybe I need a year out of the classroom to realize how much I'd miss it. Sometimes I think I would miss all the drawings haha.
Even though I am not a school teacher, I do know exactly what you are saying, and how you are feeling. As an RD, I have SO MUCH knowledge in my head that I sometimes don't know what to do with. That is why I started doing my "nutrition Tidbit" on my blog, because I just have rondom info I want to dish out! Do you think you could start doing "Teacher Tidbit" posts, just with random knowledge oyu have learned from books, articles, magazines, practice? Use your blog to teach and inspire. Let that information out! YOu do that often, but heck, do it more!
I am not enjoying my life as a teacher right now either because I'm bored. I work in Texas too (as the commenter above mentioned...right now is only about the state test) and it is so boring. I have no flexibility in planning-I get handed the lesson plans by the team leader and I'm expected to follow them (of course I covertly do a lot of other stuff I want...but all with the knowledge I might get busted). I miss working on a team that actually plans together. That is sad for me.
In a way this is a blessing because you are at a crossroads in your studies too. Do you still want to teach at the college level? You won't have all the things that you listed in this post if you do.
That is something to think about.
You have a heart for kids and obviously for teaching. Stay true to your heart. You have a gift.
I can't wait to be a real teacher again either! Obviously our reasons for being out of the classroom are very different right now, but I look forward to teaching again in much the same way. I'm hoping to make a move from being a specialist teacher to a classroom teacher and all those reasons you listed are exactly why I want to do that. I am keeping my fingers crossed that next year is my year because I am definitely not the best version of myself right now, and having something purposeful (aside from being a mom - because that is the ultimate) is something I long for!
You are not boring, by the way!
Bags of Cheetos!:)
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