speaking up

There have been a few times recently when I have had to force myself to speak up about something even though I felt pretty nervous/uncomfortable doing so. I don't want to go into specifics because even though I try to keep my "true identity" somewhat low profile on this blog, I know that it's always possible for people I know to come across it and I would never want to write about something personal and then have someone involved come across it and get upset. I don't even intend to use my blog as a place to complain or talk about people I work with, so I will continue to process that stuff in a different way rather than writing about it here.

But even without sharing the details of how/why/when I felt the need to speak up, I think just that small piece is worth talking about. I really really really dislike confrontation and I would consider myself someone who would rather bend or sacrifice to my own detriment rather than offend someone or come off as rude/mean. Maybe it's because I am so sensitive myself, but I just really have a hard time with the thought of pissing someone off or being thought of as argumentative. I want to be liked. I want to be easy going. I want to get along with everyone.

But I am coming to realize that speaking up, not necessarily defending myself, but just stating how I am actually feeling rather than burying that in order to "go with the flow" is really important. Yet, it is one of the most difficult things for me. It reminds me of when I was younger and I had a certain friend that would always say "I don't care." If I asked what she wanted to eat, the answer was I don't care. If I asked what she wanted to drink, the answer was I don't care. If I asked what she wanted to do, the answer was I don't care....Of course you care! Why wouldn't you care. Having an opinion is not a bad thing and sometime I think I forget that. I let my opinions take a backseat to those of others just so I don't rock the boat. I feel like I would rather bend to someone else's preference rather than cause a fight or confrontation. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around speaking up in a way that doesn't come across as rude or overly stubborn.

So in these few instances recently where I finally spoke up, it really required getting up the nerve. I literally rehearsed what I thought I would say because I wanted to make sure I came across as casual and not demanding. I wanted to keep it light and didn't want to create situations where relationships would become awkward. Yet, for all my worrying, speaking up ended up being okay. I was able to express what I wanted/what I needed and neither of the people on the other end were offended or had a problem with what I said. I still think this is a skill that I truly need to work on. I don't know if it is a confidence issue or something else, but for me, speaking up requires a lot of guts and preparation.

Hopefully, with practice, I will find it easier to express my opinions regardless of how it is received on the other end. I think realizing that you can't be liked by everyone and you can't always please everyone is a lesson that I am continuing to learn. Truly, all those cupcake birthday incidents last year were the catalyst to be able to stand my ground on something....

How do you go about letting someone know when you want something to change? 

Are you comfortable with confrontation?