Break it Down

I have posted several times already this summer about my guilt over not being overly productive since school let out. I have gone on two trips (with two more to come--next week is Salzburg, Venice, and Lake Como then hopefully Barcelona in early August!), gone on some great runs in the forest, read a few good books, cooked some real food for hubs, and slept late.

But, I have not written a single word of my paper.

So regardless of what else I do, not writing the paper= unproductive

I successfully defended my core paper on June 16th and because I was the 5th out of 6 people in my cohort to do that, I already felt behind on my next paper, which is called the Pre-Proposal Comprehensive Specialty Exam (Specialty Paper for short).

::Just a little catch up for those of you who are newer readers==> In early 2009, I got accepted into the doctoral program at Portland State University. Shortly after that, hubs got an offer to relocate to Germany with his company. In August 2009 hubs and I moved to Germany and I taught at an International School for the 2009-2010 school year while doing independent study with my adviser, skyping with him every other week, and skyping into class in the wee hours of the morning during spring term to get as much of the work completed as I could from afar. In early 2010, hubs and I decided that in order to stay in the program, I would return to Portland (sans Mr. Sneaker) for the 2010-2011 school year to complete my doctoral coursework and keep my position in my school district since I was only granted a one year leave of absence. So, I lived in Portland while Mr. Sneaker lived in Germany from August 15, 2010-June 18th, 2011. It was a very challenging year for many reasons (being away from hubs, teaching Kinder for the first time, being observed by my principal a lot, and spending almost all of my free time doing homework), but it flew by seemingly on fast forward and now I am back in Germany with Mr. Sneaker until August 20th when we are officially moving back to Portland where I will return to the same school I worked at last year and he will take a new position within the same company at the Portland office. whew...are you caught up?::

Anywho....All throughout this past school year I pictured the gloriousness of being able to wake up, grab a cup o joe and leisurely spend several hours a day reading the large pile of books I collected all year and writing my specialty paper. It was so hard to get my core paper done with all the other coursework and teaching work that it seemed like writing the specialty paper when I wasn't working would be a total cake walk.

I was wrong.

I am aimless without a schedule.

::confession--on Friday when hubs got home at 6:00, I was still in my pajamas...I don't think I did a single productive thing all day long...don't judge::

What I imagined to be a blissful breezy effort in scholarly writing has turned into a daily guiltfest over not yet having written a single word.

not. one. word.

I have been reading a lot on curriculum theory, which may sound boring, but is actually quite interesting and makes 30 minutes on the elliptical go by in a flash. I am loving all that John Dewey had to say and finding myself really siding with the social meliorists over the proponents of social efficiency (education for social justice over education operated like a business or a factory) and I can picture all this info somehow fitting together to make a great paper, but as of now I don't even have a word doc dedicated to said paper.

So I started to think about how I am going to figure this out--how I will get it done this summer before the craziness of school starts up again. I want to be able to move on to my dissertation and my own research this coming school year, so my specialty paper needs to be dunzo. I am starting 30 empty pages in the face and I need to somehow whip myself into a paper writing frenzy before I move back to Portland (because once I am there, life is going to be all about setting up my classroom with the help of Mrs. Bee).

So, I though to myself what if I wrote one page a day. That doesn't sound so bad.

One page a day for thirty days and I will have myself a draft.

One page on curriculum theory here. One page on culturally responsive teaching there. A page on why scripted curricula don't connect with all students and pretty soon I will have myself a paper!

When we teach kids we take big things that seem difficult or overwhelming and we break them down into reasonable steps. This paper is so daunting that I just haven't even begun and let's be honest...it's about time.

So, tomorrow I am going to write one page. Chances are if I write one page, I will probably get a good flow going and I will want to keep writing. Chances are, if I keep writing, I will get really excited about curriculum theory and how it relates to learning theory and what reading instruction looks like in our classrooms today which will inspire me to spout off ideas about how we could to use scripted curricula as a foundation for reading instruction while enhancing the lessons with culturally responsive instruction that helps all kids connect with the importance of reading in meaningful ways. Chances are while feeling inspired about what kind of reading instruction is best for culturally and linguistically diverse learners, I will keep writing more and more all the while dreaming of being the most organized, fabulous, creative, wonderful, and amazing teacher ever. Chances are, if I start feeling the best teacher ever, I will want to eat, sleep, live all things teachery and will write page after page after page until my paper is done. Chances are, if I write one page tomorrow, I will finish my paper by August 20th.

And, I am counting on you all to hold me accountable. Shoot me a comment every once in awhile. Something like, Hey Mrs. Sneaker, how is that amazing paper coming? I will be eternally grateful and maybe when I'm finished, I will do a giveaway. The winner gets a copy of my paper! (Just kidding!).

In all seriousness, this paper needs to happen. I need to get out of my aimless summer funk and just start writing.

One page a day.

30 days.

Completed paper.

Well, ok let's be honest...completed first draft which will be covered in red after being reviewed by my wonderful advisers, but hey, editing is a different ball game than writing. The act of composing when starting at a blank page is far more frightening than rearranging, deleting, adding, and spell checking. But, a completed first draft is good with me!

Wish me luck!

How do you tackle huge projects that seem overwhelming?

What are summers like for you? productive or lazy and guilt free?