I explained the difference between taking something without asking, which is called stealing, and asking someone's permission to have something that you want. Despite my instinct to "teach him a lesson" about the wrongs of stealing, I coached him into asking me for the juice and allowed him to have it once he asked because he said he wanted it to drink at home. I care a lot about this kiddo and I see him having difficulties at school with friends and classroom expectations. If he is hungry, I can help with that...so I gave him the juice. I wanted to show him that I care for him more than anything else because I want him to know that I am a person he can trust and I am a person that wants the best for him.
Today I found out from another student that this same kiddo who tried stealing my juice also took some of the play money that was in the cash register in my kitchen area. He was really interested in playing in that area on Friday and when we cleaned up I did notice that some of the play dollars I had put in the register were gone, but I didn't think it was a big deal and thought maybe they had been hidden somewhere in the kitchen cabinets or something. This was before the juice incident, so I didn't really have reason to believe that this particular child would take something that belonged to the classroom.
Now, I realize that within one day, this kiddo stole on two occasions. I am really saddened because I truly want the best for him, yet I can't help but feel stung by the fact that despite my continued support and encouragement, he would still steal from me. I know that his circumstances at home are far different than the life I have been privileged with and his "stealing" might just be curiosity or more likely survival. I don't understand it because I have never been there...I have never experienced what it might be like to not know when my next meal is coming. To me, giving him the juice or letting him have the play money are small tokens in exchange for the happiness or relief it might provide him. I don't think kids just steal for fun--I think there is a reason and I am not condoning it, yet it makes me realize that he has needs that are not being met.
I don't think punishing this child is the right consequence for his actions, yet I wish I knew how to make him understand the damage he has done to trust I had for him. He is still young, so I don't know the best way to go about addressing this issue with him.
Any advice on teaching kids about the consequence of lost trust as a result of stealing without inflicting more negativity on a child who seems to already have enough difficulties in his life? How do you handle stealing in your classroom?
4 comments:
This is a tough one! I work with high schoolers, and they are at such a different level, morally and intellectually. I think there are two problems (privation and dishonesty) and one lesson: compassion. You definitely need to deliver the message that taking things w/o asking is wrong. But I would be watching for signs of hunger, deprivation, etc and see what you can do to help. Good luck...
Oh my... This is a tough one. I will simply give you my two cents. I teach high school students, many who have lived a life without boundaries. As teachers our natural reaction to kids with less than desirable home lives is to do what you did: let it sort of slide; however, I have many issues with that approach. First, kids in these situations need boundaries. For most at risk kids, there homes are absent of boundaries, which makes their life feel unsafe. Kids feel safe when they know the boundaries. Secondly, I teach high school and I have the kids that are still stealing. Finally, I do think you should work hard to cultivate a trusting relationship with him. He probably needs a good role model that provides him with clear boundaries.
I've had this happen probably 3 times in 5 years? One time it was ridiculous- the girl had stolen multiple staplers from me, crayons, markers, basically any school supply she could get her hands on. Finally her mom noticed (I have a lot of supplies haha so I didn't notice).
In all 3 instances, I let the parents know (if they didn't already) and we both talked to the child. For us, being "caught" worked. It will be interesting to see if it does for your little boy.
I have to admit that when I was little- a friend and I stole some things (lunch box etc) from a little boy who had been REALLY mean to us and that was our revenge. Obviously we got in trouble, but just being caught made me never want to steal again... even when friends did it later in middle school/hs. I feel like this is a little different since obviously you didn't do anything mean to him, but I'm not sure K students fully get the concept of trust yet.
Perhaps this child isn't connecting the dots between his actions and how he is impacting you or anyone else. What matters right now is if he cares about how his actions make others feel and how making good choices, even when know one else is looking or even when he really wants something, is very important. When you know he has taken something - talk to him openly about making good choices and help him verbalize what he can do to make good choices. Guide him towards finding alternative solutions. Guide him towards correcting a choice he should not have made.
Don't let your personal feelings cloud your ability to teach him. You may or may not trust him, but he doesn't need to know that right now. What he needs to know is how to make good choices and how to understand that his choices can make himself and others feel bad or good.
I am sure it isn't a simple process and so much can be behind the stealing but you can only do so much so focus on what you truly can do while he is in your care... Best wishes:)
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