Cocktail Anyone?!

Today was a rough day.

Remember when I shared that I was in the process of making a tough decision and have been under a lot of stress recently? Well today, that all came to a head.

As you may know, I have been working on my doctorate here in Germany. I have a wonderful advisor/professor who has been helping me to stay afloat in my program by means of skyping and completing the coursework as independent study. The program basically has three phases which consist of core work, electives/specialty courses, and the dissertation. I have been working somewhat out of order because I am supposed to be doing core courses this year, but I have been fulfilling the requirements for electives and my curriculum & instruction courses instead due to the fact that I am in Germany. I was really hopeful that based on the success of my remote work during my first year, that I would be able to complete the core courses from Germany as well. I was wrong.

There are 5 courses that I need to be in Portland to take and those courses need to be completed before I can move forward in the program. Do you see where this is going?

I am going back to Portland for a bit.

Not right away, but I will return in August to complete these courses beginning in the fall term of 2010. My husband is staying in Germany. Can you see why I have been so stressed out?! My husband is probably the most supportive person I will ever meet. He was the one who encouraged me to even apply for the program because I thought I would never get accepted. He is amazingly supportive of all the time I spend reading and writing papers and he continues to be supportive of this decision. We made it together and he is happy that I am going after what I want. Of course I will miss him, but we both know that this period of being away from one another is not forever and that we have many many more years to grow old together once I am Dr. T. :0)

The lucky part of this is that I am on a leave of absence from my job in Portland right now. If I return for next school year, I am guaranteed a full time teaching position, which is hard to come by these days in that area. I will not get to return to my same first grade position or at my same school necessarily, but I will be sure to have a position in the district. Knowing that I will have a job makes it a lot easier and makes it more pertinent that this hiatus from Germany takes place starting next year or else I would not have a job to go back to.

The hardest part about this was that I had to tell people here...administrators, co-workers, and the toughest--my friends. I love Germany. I am having a wonderful time living here and I am enjoying my job a lot. I feel like I just started and I had to share the news today that I will be leaving and won't be back next school year. Not only did I have to tell the director, but also the principal, my department head, and my closest friends. Not fun. And I had to do this in rapid succession because news travels fast in our school community and I couldn't bear the thought that people would get wind of it before I shared in person.  I have only ever been on the receiving end of a breakup, but I feel like today I was the "dumper" over and over. This decision came completely out of the blue--for them and for me. It is not something I planned on AT ALL. I could tell that each person I told was really surprised and also upset that I will be leaving. Even though I feel in my heart that this is the right thing to do for me, I feel a lot of guilt about leaving. My HOD was especially upset and it was not at all easy to see the emotions that came out at the thought of not having me around. She was very supportive and completely understood my desire to see this program through, but at the same time, she is not at all happy to see me go. It is a big relief that the news is out there now and I am glad to be sharing it with you all because I know my bloggy friends are always chock full of kind words and support.

I am excited at the idea of returning to Portland and seeing my co-workers and friends that I am missing a lot right now. It will be an exciting adventure and it will get me that much closer to my goal of obtaining my doctorate. I am also excited at the thought of having my own class again! It would be great to teach first grade again, yet my experience here in Germany has given me the confidence to teach any grade level and I would love to be placed with any age group at this point. I see the benefits of each grade level and now have experience with grades 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, & 8.

I am also excited for the point at which I come back to Germany and rejoin my friends here and hopefully rejoin the staff at my current school. I am happy to feel the stress slip away because this big secret is out in the open and is no longer something completely eating away at me.

I am really surprised that no one has told me I am crazy so far. Everyone in my family and John's family has been really really supportive and excited for me. I guess I am really embracing this whole life is an adventure mentality. I feel like I have grown up a lot since John first mentioned the prospect of moving here because I know I am strong enough to handle the hard work and the difficulty of being apart from my husband that are headed my way. Instead of balking at this challenge, I am heading straight for it.

So, to conclude my day of stress, I had some chocolate and bought myself new markers.

Office supplies can always soothe my soul....

And I may need a cocktail!