I have to say I am very glad that this week of being observed by my principal twice daily is over. I cannot begin to describe how stressed out, worried, and upset I have felt as a result of her concerns regarding my classroom management. I feel like so much of my life and my time is devoted to teaching and trying to be the best teacher that I can be and it is really disheartening to be viewed by the school principal as a teacher who struggles.
I had opportunities to meet with the principal almost daily this week to discuss her observations. She documented percentages of kids on task and also percentages of kids who responded to my quiet signals. Yesterday we met one final time and she indicated that she would like me to have a coach to help with some of these management issues that she is seeing. Although this has been a frustrating process, I have to say that I am very happy with how the principal has supported me during this time. Although I don't want to be someone who needs help, I do recognize that as teachers we are always trying to improve and there isn't a teacher out there who couldn't benefit from interacting with more teachers, learning from other teachers, or getting some input from other teachers. As much as I am sad about not being the "perfect" teacher, I know that this experience will have a good outcome if I acknowledge the importance of learning from others, suck up my pride and get reach out for help, and accept the support of other teachers who are willing to help me.
Although this is my 6th year of teaching, this is my first year of teaching Kindergarten. That means there are new elements to teaching that I need to learn and practice. Classroom management is not new to me, however managing 5 and 6 year olds is just not an easy task. There are a lot of techniques I use and a lot of strategies that I have learned. What I am finding with my groups is that sometimes everything goes really smoothly and they are on task and doing great. Other times, those same strategies are just not working. It's frustrating, but I recognize that I want things to go smoothly on a consistent basis and the principal is just extending support so I can make that a reality.
She suggested that I have our Literacy Specialist come and watch me teach for a whole session. I talked with this teacher yesterday and arranged for her to come and watch my morning session on Tuesday. She has years of experience teaching Kindergarten and is really excited to help me. She was so nice and emphasized that I don't in any way need to feel intimidated by her presence. I know she will be a great resource for helping me focus on making some changes in my classroom.
I also asked the principal if I could go to some other classrooms to observe a few half day Kinder teachers. It is not often that we get to see our peers and colleagues in action so I think it will be really helpful to observe how things operate in different classrooms. I am hoping to visit another school on Friday in the morning to watch a session, take some time during lunch to reflect, and then return to my classroom for the pm session to try out some of the ideas I get.
If you read my blog often or have been a reader for a long time, you may know that I am pretty much a perfectionist. I always want to do things right and be good at things. I work really hard to make that happen in a lot of areas of my life. Getting feedback from others, especially a supervisor, and especially feedback that is not all positive is really tough. When I was in student teaching and being observed in order to obtain endorsements, it was easier to take criticism because I was still learning about the field and particular student populations. It is a lot more challenging now to be confronted with less than positive feedback because I feel like I should not need help at this point. I am in my classroom daily and I know that I do a lot of things really well. My principal confirmed that when she told me that she sees that I have lots of great teaching skills and she has never commented negatively about my instructional practices--it is only the management aspects that she is concerned about. She also said that she knows that some small changes will make a big difference and that she believes in me. She actually put a really nice card in my mailbox after we talked just to show me that she cares and has faith that I will be able to overcome some of the stuff we have been talking about. I know that at the end of this school year I will be able to look back and realize that this whole process only resulted in me strengthening my skills and becoming a better teacher. I love learning and I take classes all the time to become a better teacher, so I know I need to consider the help I will get from the Reading teacher as just part of that same process.
This sure has been a humbling experience and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I would rather have a very active principal who watches me teach and offers support when needed than a principal who is not at all familiar with what my classroom is like and how I teach. The principal has very high standards--as do I. I just want to be at a place where I am meeting her standards in every way. I never thought I would love teaching Kindergarten as much as I do and after this week I even went so far as to ask the principal if she thinks I would be better suited to teach a different grade level where classroom management was not SUCH a huge part of instruction. She responded very quickly with no, not at all. I think this year is probably the most challenging year I will have in my career because of being away from Mr. Sneaker, teaching Kindergarten in a new school, and taking a full course load of classes for my doctorate. It's not secret that I have a lot on my plate right now, but that gives me all the more motivation to make sure I come out of this year a better, stronger person and a better teacher.
If I let this experience make me falter or take away the confidence I have as a teacher, then I am not the person I want to be. I need to embrace it for the learning experience that it is with the recognition that self improvement always requires a lot of dedication, commitment, and hard work. I am thankful that I have a great team that has listened to me talk this through on a daily basis, a principal who cares enough to not accept less than a stellar performance from her staff, other staff members who are willing to support me, and a roommate who helps me see the good in something that feels bad and put things into perspective. Times that are challenging and things that feel uncomfortable are usually the times that help us grow and improve ourselves, so I definitely have my work cut out for me!
Thanks for reading and listening!